last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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