Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
