Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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