dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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