plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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