Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
