Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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