Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
