booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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