I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
