Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
