Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
