just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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