We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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