My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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