Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
