Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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