I accidentally burped into my bong.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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