Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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