I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
