so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
