Apparently you make a good broom.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
