I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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