so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
