is your mom at the bar?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
