did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
