loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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