At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my phone needs a breathalizer
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm like, not good at living.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
