worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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