you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize