we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
