Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
