I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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