I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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