Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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