Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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