you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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