Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
