Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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