My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
PANTIES FOUND
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
