It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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