my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
