I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
