ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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