moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
