fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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