Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
