as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
