my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
