You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
