from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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