I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
