I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
