Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
