Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
