were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
