belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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