I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
