I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
