Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
