Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
